So often I hear my clients tell me they want to look like someone else.

At some point most of us have probably felt that way I guess. I don’t know about you, but doing that has never really made me feel better about myself. I would get frustrated that I could never reach my goal – why couldn’t I look like her?

I would like to share with you a conversation I had with a new client last week, it is a typical example of this type of conversation I have had with other female clients at the gym. *Lucy* is new to exercise and wanting to lose weight for her wedding next year.

We are upstairs stretching out after a hard training session, leaning against the rail for a leg stretch Lucy looks down below on the first level at several women walking on the treadmills.

Lucy = See her, that girl in the grey shorts down there? I want to look like her.

Suzie = What do you mean you want to look like her?

Lucy = See how she is shapely but has small upper body and she has nice legs, I want a body like that.

Suzie = Lucy stop. Do you know how often I hear women say they want to look like other women? I bet you that girl down there has someone else that she wants to look like too.

Lucy = But could I look like her?

(I paused for a moment and tried to figure out how to explain to Lucy that even if she did lose her goal weight, it was unlikely she would look like the petite girl below, they were totally different builds)

Suzie = You can’t compare Lucy, all our bodies are made up differently. From body type, build, to fat distribution and height, we are all made up differently. I don’t mean to sound harsh Lucy, I just want to be honest with you.  I could not look like her either. Look at my frame, I have broad shoulders and rib cage, even when I lose weight my frame does not change, I go slimmer sideways but the width of my shoulders and ribcage will always be broad.  I do not believe it is healthy to look at other people as a reference (Lucy’s eyes drop in disappointment). I think you should look in the mirror and say ok this is my body, what is the best version of this body can I work towards.

 (Lucy gives a weak smile)

Lucy = I’ve been overweight for so long I can’t look at myself and imagine myself smaller. It’s hard.

Suzie =  I know it’s hard Lucy, but try again, have a look at yourself, find those features you like and imagine them 10 times better and more prominent. You can do this. It’s important for you to know that realistically it is going to take a while to get to your target weight, your body won’t change overnight. We also don’t know where your body will choose to lose weight from first or how it will change, but I promise you if you’re committed and work hard you can make those changes. And isn’t that exciting? You are going to look fantastic in your wedding dress, and you are going to look like YOU.

(Lucy gets a burst of excitement in her eyes and a broad smile on her face. She has forgotten about the girl in the grey shorts.)